


Welcome to Rosie's Diner can I interest you in an eye-opener?

by crossroadswrite



Series: beAUtiful tropes (au-a-thon challenge) [10]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Diners, Deputy Derek Hale, Didn't Know They Were Dating, Fluff, Future Fic, M/M, OCs totally ship it, POV Original Character, POV Outsider, Week 12, eveyone is alive and being awesome off-scene in case you were wondering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-01
Updated: 2015-04-01
Packaged: 2018-03-20 18:39:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3660957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crossroadswrite/pseuds/crossroadswrite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the unfairly attractive couple walks in, at their usual hour, Kat starts humming the wedding march.</p><p>Jason elbows her sharply in the ribs, trying to hide his snicker even as he waves nicely at them.</p><p>“Fuck they’re so pretty,” he sighs mournfully, “why did they have to be a couple, that’s just unfair.”</p><p>“I know,” she commiserates.</p><p>(Or: The one where Stiles and Derek are regulars at Rosie's diner and exactly zero of the employees believe they're not actually a couple, I mean come on <em>look at them</em>.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Welcome to Rosie's Diner can I interest you in an eye-opener?

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the prompt:  
> [ ➥seated together at a family-style restaurant and everyone thinks they’re a couple already AU](http://moonwasours.tumblr.com/post/97096197875/more-au-ideas-for-your-otp-nervous-flyer-and)

When the unfairly attractive couple walks in, at their usual hour, Kat starts humming the wedding march.

Jason elbows her sharply in the ribs, trying to hide his snicker even as he waves nicely at them.

“Fuck they’re so pretty,” he sighs mournfully, “why did they have to be a couple, that’s just unfair.”

“I know,” she commiserates.

There’s two repeated cracks of a towel and a sharp sting to Kat’s hip that makes her yelp and hop off the counter.

Rosie crosses her arms over her chest and gives them her trademark disappointed-mom look, “I didn’t hire you to sit around and ogle the costumers.”

“You’re right,” Jason says solemnly, snatching up Kat’s notepad, “I should go check on them.”

Rosie grabs him by the back of the collar and pulls him back, “No you don’t mister. Go clean up table four, Lest will take care of Mr. Hale and Mr. Stilinski.”

“That’s preferential treatment,” Jason accuses.

“Yes. For my daughter. It’s called being a mother, now _mush,_ go clean the table.”

“I’m not a husky.”

Rosie pokes his ribs with a finger, “No, you’re way too thin. Get some meet in those bones boy.”

Kat sneakily goes around Rosie and straight for the unfairly attractive couple’s table with her notepad in a hand and a wide pleasant smile on her face.

“Hi, welcome to Rosie’s. My name is Kat. How may I _help you_?” she bats her eyelashes a little.

Unfairly attractive pale guy with the moles snorts at her, “Your name is Kat?” his eyes trail down to her shirt.

It’s her favorite, and not just because Lest gave it to her, with a depiction of a cat standing over a cup of spilled milk with the words FUCK YOU THAT’S WHY written across the top in a bold, daring font.

“Not exactly kid friendly for a family diner,” he smiles at her.

He looks even more gorgeous when he smiles; Kat’s ovaries may or may not be able to handle this.

“Stiles, are you going to order or flirt?”

 _Stiles’_ eyes snap towards Mr. Hot Deputy With the Beard.

“Don’t be like that honeyDer. I’m just being _nice_.”

Kat snorts at the nickname, gives honeyDer a shit eating grin when he glares at her.

“I like her, can we keep her?”

Kat winks at him, “Please _do_.”

“No,” Mr. I Could Probably Bench Press My Boyfriend While He Sits In That Chair declares flatly, pointedly picking up the menu and running his pretty magical eyes through it.

Oh, yeah, Kat’s ovaries most likely won’t be able to handle this.

Stiles huffs with a fond smile across the table and steals the menu from Der(rek?) and holds it just out of reach, “What are you looking at the menu for grumpywolf, we come here pratically every day.”

“And bless the Lord for that,” Jason schmoozes his way into the conversation, balancing a tray full of dirty plates on one hand and giving them a smirk.

“Jason, go away I got this,” Kat tries to shoo him away. Goddamnit, it’s her turn with unfairly hot couple.

“No, if you get to talk with unfairly attractive couple then so should I.”

“Wait what?” Stiles startles.

“We’re not a couple.”

“We’re friends.”

“He’s my boss’ son.”

“He’s my father’s deputy!”

“Wait,” Kat says slowly, her world is shattering around her. It really is. Unfairly attractive couple are stupidly couply with each other, how the fuck could they not be an actual couple, “are you joshing us?”

“Don’t play games with my heart!” Jason intones dramatically, pointing a threatening finger towards them, “Oh, wait. Does this mean you’re _available_.”

“Jason, shut up this is a crisis.”

“Guys, I thought Mom said you couldn’t-“

Kat whirls around, eyes wide so she can convey exactly how much of a crisis this is, “They’re not a couple.

Celeste outright gasps, which is a comfort. At least _someone_ understand how much of a horrible development this is.

“But they’re the thing people point out as life goals. They’re Mom’s _favorite couple_.”

“We mustn’t tell her,” Kat says solemnly, eyeing the costumers who are being carelessly ignored around them. This is more important. And it’s late lunch hour, most of them can wait.

Stiles leans forwards towards Derek, “Why do people keep thinking we’re a couple.”

Derek leans forward, getting them so close no one would classify it as casual friends appropriate distance. For fuck’s sake their noses are almost touching. They’re practically kissing!

It makes her wanna grab them and smoosh their faces together until they kiss forever.

Ugh. This is a terrible development in her life.

You honestly don’t understand how invested in their relationship she was. Like, there was chibbi drawing involved. Lest even kept all the napkins she used to doodle them and made a collage. It turned out adorable as fuck. They keep it in the backroom.

“Can we get our order or?”

“Lest,” Kat intones dramatically thrusting the notepad into Celeste’s chest, “take the wheel, my poor little heart can’t handle any more heartbreak today.”

“I’m not Jesus,” Lest points out, taking the notepad all the same.

“Close enough! Jason!”

Jason rounds the table and lowers himself a little so Kat can slump on his back and be carried out of there.

“Call me,” Jason says quickly, winking at them.

Lest watches them go with an eyeroll and a fond look, “My friends are idiots.”

Stiles laughs, “That’s fine. Most of my friends are idiots too.”

Celeste smiles nicely, like the nice, professional person she is.

“Anyway, what do you want to order? And seriously if my mom comes over don’t tell her you’re not a couple. She always talks about the nice kids from table four and how cute your children would be.”

“We’re not a couple!” Stiles flails.

“If that’s what you think,” she dismisses easily

“Think? What is there to think!” Stiles continues flailing, hard, and Derek ducks his arms expertly, grabbing them and making his limbs calm down a little, “There’s nothing to think. We’re not a couple. If we were there’d be kissing involved and there’s _not_!”

“Why isn’t there kissing, though, I mean you already do all the gross couple stuff-“

“We don’t-“

“Holding the door for one another, ordering for one another, putting hands on lower backs-“

“What’s the problem with hands on lower backs?” Derek asks, looking a little offended.

Lest gives him an are-you-serious look. She points her pencil at him, “Hands on lower backs state intent. And do you know what’s just under your lower back?”

“The booty!” Kat shouts all the way from where she’s woefully drinking milk at the counter.

“The booty,” Lest nods.

“You wanna touch my booty?” Stiles startles, swiveling towards Derek and aiming his wide Bambi eyes full of disbelief at him.

Derek blushes adorably, scoffs, “I mean-“

“Ohmygod, you totally want to touch my booty!”

Derek blushes harder and turns to Lest to try and change topics, but Lest is obviously having none of that.

“You lean into each other when you talk, like, all the time,” she points out, trampling whatever he was about to say, “you purposefully sit on the smaller round table just so you can touch each other while you talk, you bicker and banter, you eyefuck-“

“He’s just glaring at me!”

“Glaring lovingly,” Jason says casually as he passes by, pointedly flipping his notepad closed as if that will drive his point home.

“How can they _even hear us!_ ”

Lest shrugs, “Rosie’s is a supernatural friendly diner. Actually, there’s a charm around it, unless you’re supernatural, attached to someone supernatural or know about the supernatural you can’t get in.”

“I couldn’t smell anything,” Derek sounds mildly upset about it. Stiles immediately leans a little closer to him and brushes their shoulders together.

“For protection,” she says easily, “all supernatural indicators that could tip others off to what you are are muffled.”

“So,” Stiles eyes her up and down critically, “what are you?”

“Watered down breed of Succubus. Jason’s a vampire and Kat’s a werecat.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. _Kat_ is a were _cat_ and she’s wearing a _cat_ t-shirt?”

“Technically her name is Mary Kate. But the cat thing is, like, a _thing_. It’s kinda hilarious.”

Stiles snorts loudly, turns his snort into giggling which makes him tip over and lean into Derek for support which he gladly provides.

“And don’t think you can distract me. You see that, you’re being couply right now.”

Stiles startles apart from Derek which leaves the scruffy deputy who could most likely punch through a six inch steel wall without looking winded glare up at Lest, looking offended that he lost his cuddle buddy.

“Oh.”

“And I know for a fact you feel attracted to each other. Perks of being a Succubus Light. You leak love all over the place most times you’re here, which hey, great for me, I get snack time every now and then, but seriously get your shit together and just kiss already.”

They both look a little too stunned, blinking up at her wordlessly.

She smiles nicely at them, “So, the usual?” she asks, getting her notepad ready and scribbling down their respective fat filled order.

“Why do you even care?”

Celeste gets that adorable little charming smile of hers.

“Mom really likes you two, she’d be heartbroken to know that you’re not an actual couple who are going to get married and have cute adopted babies and just keep appearing here so she can tell your kids stories about way back when.”

“Yeah, but why does _she_ care?”

Celeste shrugs, “She’s a carer. Now, the usual?”

Derek and Stiles have one of their silently, solely through eyebrows talks.

“You know what,” Stiles starts, a slow smile spreading across his face even as he ignores Lest and focuses on Derek, “I think it’s time for something a little different.”

Derek gives one of those rare not quite there smiles, “Yeah,” he says quietly, “Yeah, that sounds nice.”

«»

The next day Derek and Stiles walk into the diner nothing else seems to have changed.

Derek still holds the door for Stiles with a hand on the small of his back and listening intently, just like always.

Stiles is talking his mouth off, gesturing wildly and being prevented from smacking against everything in his path by Derek’s carefully steering. He leans back against Derek’s hand and glances at him in regular intervals to make sure he’s still listening. Just like always.

They sit on their table, too close to each other and seeming completely unaware that they’re doing it. So, just like always.

Stiles seems to go off on a tangent that’s aggravating Derek, which is also pretty standard. Derek grabs Stiles by the chin and kisses him straight on the mouth to shut him up. When they pull back they both have dopey smiles on their faces.

Kat squeals loudly and falls off the counter, immediately righting herself and pretending she totally did it on purpose.

Jason looks equal parts delighted and mournful that they’re together again. Or finally. Depends on how you look at it.

Rosie mutters something to God about PDA and for him to be blessed by it.

Lest is quietly pleased with herself about it, or maybe not so quietly since her mom comes up to her with one of her nice, warm hugs, full of love and tells her, “You’re a good kid,” before sending her on her way to work.

Stiles and Derek are just oblivious to all of this like they were oblivious of each other’s blatant adoration – obliviousness seem to be a personal quirk of them – and just continue to be grossly in love with each other.

Lest calls dibs on waiting their table and takes that chance to soak up the pheromones and love they’re leaking.

“The usual or something a little different?”

“I think we’ll make our little different our usual.”

Celeste smiles her nicest smile, “Good choice.”

**Author's Note:**

> these three idiots are my babes please be nice they're kinda idiots


End file.
